The Amazing Race
From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.
The Amazing Race is a CBS documentary which follows a select group of secret agents around the world. Every week they must complete certain government-assigned missions ranging from head-shaving rituals to assassinations of third-world leaders hostile to US interests. Those teams of secret agents which fail to complete these missions in the set amount of time are 'eliminated' and sent to Guantanamo Bay to await execution.
The agents' handler is a mysterious figure known as Phil Keoghan. Believed to be a former Soviet spy, he has adopted a hybrid New Zealand-American accent in order to throw his enemies off his trail. An unfortunate eyebrow tic is the result of a three-day long torture session he endured in 1987. One of Keoghan's trademark mock turtlenecks is housed in the Hanes Hall of Fame in Pocatello, Idaho.
Notable Agents
Many of the United States' greatest spies have participated in The Amazing Race. Some of these include:
Bill Bartek and Joe Baldassare (Codename "Guido") - Their extensive knowledge of France allowed them to install a French puppet government.
Florinka Pesenti (Codename "Banshee") - Used her airhorn-like voice to end the Vietnam War.
Jonathan Baker (Codename "Turd Sandwich") - His actions have resulted in several countries closing their borders to US citizens. There is a price on his head in Germany.
Kendra Bentley (Codename "Princess") - Started population control measures in Senegal. Birth rates have dropped dramatically since she visited.
Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich (Codename "Romber") - Beef exports from Argentina have all but ended thanks to their efforts.
Jeremy Ryan and Eric Sanchez (Codename "Casanova") - Both spies were released from jail when it was discovered they had never made contact with any female agents.
Colin Guinn (Codename "Intensity") - Job levels as ox repairmen and ox psychologists in Indonesia have risen thanks to his efforts.
Dastardly and Mutley (Codename "Curses!") - Suspected double agents since they are routinely caught attempting to sabotage the other agents' transportation.
Criticism
Various nations and bodies around the world have denounced US interference in their governmental policies. The United Nations is especially vocal in its criticisms. One international incident in particular is mentioned as an example of extensive US interference. The infamous Broken Ox incident, involving Colin Guinn (Codename "Intensity"), led to the US's involvement in a three-week war with Indonesia.
The actions of Guinn and other agents are commonly cited as the main reason why the rest of the world hates Americans.
Disavowed Missions
While most Amazing Race missions are believed to have been successful, some failures have apparently occurred. Specifically, a so-called "Family Edition" designed to uproot opponents of The Iraq War in South America was supposedly foiled by agents working for NASCAR. Existence of a "Family Edition" mission has been denied by US Government officials.
In addition, despite reports to the contrary in the New York Times, the government denies that an "Operation All-Star", supposedly reuniting Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich with the goal of advancing American interests across five continents, took place recently.
