NASCAR

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

NASCAR, which is an acronym for something that everybody forgot the original meaning of, is a group of mainly South American drivers who compete in races across America. Unlike other racing circuits, exhaustive safety measures have been taken so that few of the drivers' lives are lost and only a few fans sent to heaven each year. Champion drivers are honored by having their car's number pasted on trailer windows throughout the South. The most famous competitor is the late Dale Earnhardt, whose 3 was truly a magic number.

Contents 1 History of NASCAR 1.1 Origins 1.2 Actual Racing 1.3 NASCAR Becomes Popular 2 NASCAR today

History of NASCAR

Origins

NASCAR started as an initiative by the governments of Canada and South America during the Great Depression. Due to a clerical error by somebody in Congress, a bill was accidentally passed which banned the sale and consumption of alcohol in the United States of America. This time was called Prohibition because people couldn't drink anything without government interference. In the words of the famous scholar Homer, "All work and no beer made America...go crazy!!!"

In a desperate attempt to avoid getting invaded, the Canadian and South American governments hired an elite group of drivers whose sole job was driving beer and other alcoholic beverages across the border to thirsty Americans. The selection of drivers was critical as they had to be smart enough to avoid the police, but not quite smart enough to take the beer home and drink it themselves. These moonshiners, who named themselves after the famous exploits of the Moon Knight, were able to keep the liquor flowing by driving all the way from stills in the South to the CIA, headquarters of Prohibition resistance in America.

The Prohibition era lasted for a horrible 3 weeks. In an unprecedented display of unity, Congress, the President and the Supreme Court stepped in to repeal Prohibition and reopen the nation's taps.

Actual Racing

Bored after the end of Prohibition, the moonshiners began making the engines of their cars roar on highways from Georgia to Texas, trying to see who could go the fastest. Around this time the moonshiners organized into a group called NASCAR. The origin of the term "NASCAR" is unknown but probably has something to do with Tennessee whiskey.

Although the South was grateful to the moonshiners, the safety of the Southern people had to be addressed. A series of laws was passed regulating NASCAR driving.

• They were only allowed to drive on Sundays, or Mondays if it had rained that Sunday.

• They were only allowed to drive in certain areas and could only make left turns.

• A group of people had to watch the drivers at all times.

• The cars could only carry a limited amount of fuel and had to run on used tires, although they could fill up and change tires at any time.

These laws became the fundamental rules of NASCAR racing, which remain in effect to this day.

NASCAR Becomes Popular

Realizing the potential of the captive NASCAR audience, television networks and advertisers quickly made NASCAR races a key part of their money making strategy. NASCAR races were shown on television nearly every week, and NASCAR cars (or simply NASCARs) began to look like moving billboards. However, receiving a television signal in South America was a matter of luck back then. NASCAR didn't become truly popular until South America finally hooked up to cable television in the late 1970s.

In the 1980s and 1990s, cigarette manufacturers gained control of NASCAR racing. They mainly used the racing circuit for their own evil purposes. With the help of Justice League Unlimited, slightly less evil forces took over NASCAR in 2003.

NASCAR today

Today? Ahnotha fine Sunday down here in South America. Church just let out, so ah'm a goin' home to crack me open a beer, turn on the TeeVee set and watch me some of that there NASCAR racin'. Jeff Gordon sucks! Dale Earnhardt forevah!