KGB

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

The Soviet Union's KGB (translation: Great Cooking Brigade) was the world's largest collection of chefs.

Contents 1 Origin 2 Environmental Disasters 3 Downfall 4 Aftermath

Origin

In an attempt to counter the American "single chef" style favored by the CIA, the KGB introduced collective cooking, in which hundreds or even thousands of chefs were responsible for cooking the same gourmet meal. Anybody with even minor cooking talent was forced by the government to work in gigantic processing plants, which were mostly located in Siberia. While this often made for interesting TV, the dishes turned out by the KGB were mediocre at best and downright dangerous at their worst.

Environmental Disasters

Several major environmental disasters during the Soviet era are believed to have been the result of failed KGB's "mega recipes". Although the full extent of the damage was never fully revealed by the Soviets, it is believed that many incidents occurred during this time including:

• The near-complete evaporation of the Aral Sea, in an attempt to create the ideal fish broth.
• The launching of several chefs into outer space, as a result of continued failures to create the perfect 3-minute egg recipe
• The infamous "Chernobyl Meltdown", a miscalculated souffle recipe which sent debris flying as far away as Sweden.

The KGB's relentless search for new recipes is also cited as a major factor in global warming.

Downfall

On a trip to East Germany in 1989, KGB chefs coated the Berlin Wall with a special vanilla/chocolate/strawberry frosting that was supposed to highlight the KGB motto "Good will and good taste". Instead, the concoction dissolved the country's main monument and tourist attraction completely. Unable to stop their own people from fleeing the disaster, East Germany was forced to hold a "Going Out Of Business Sale" and closed up shop soon thereafter. Humiliated, the KGB was disbanded by the Soviets in 1991, shortly before the Soviet Union itself collapsed.

Aftermath

While a few of the KGB's top chefs were hired by the Japanese to appear in their low-budget remake of Iron Chef America, most of them vanished into the cooking underground. Many of them are believed to be working for dangerous terrorist organizations to this day.